New years was pretty fun, had some internal conflict going on with that story, kinda tainted the night oh well... it was nice seeing people. Big shout out to Alice for being the coolest person like ever and more and Cory B up in this shizzy. Can't remember much, I shouldn't smoke weed anymore, I think my long absence of no weed smoking is now making smoking weed now not that great, I mean the feeling is fucking fantastic but ... as with most drugs and me, I get stuck in my brain which is a pretty rotten place. I have poison thoughts and it really gets to me, a lot. I am taken doing circles falling forwards but not moving, I don't know sometimes I get like this and can't see anything good and I soak in it. ah fuck, my heart is in pieces and I don't think it will ever get put back together again... and I'm coming to accept that and that knocks me down even farther... Disappointment, it's all I've been feeling lately. Maybe I'll just recluse this whole year.The Broken Boy
As it starts to rot, the life of this seems to drain from the scene, I try to act quick, but my body is sick, I'm hanging from the second hand, only to fall again and again, I keep kicking myself while I'm down, I don't deserve the charm of this town, disappointment overwhelms my sense, sometimes the air keeps so dense, like it was years ago, love came easily and life rang in my ears, the streets sang in praise, as we mindlessly danced through the days, I'm alone, I'm lost, Can't find the light in this dark room, I just want to talk but I'm always so wrong, now I keep quiet through the night, I'm stumbling through speech, making an ass of me, how could I ever believe anyone could want a fuck like me? It's discouraging to say the least, sometimes I forget to breathe, only to be let down when I find I'm still alive...
you would too... you would too...
You make my heart flutter.
my tounge clusterfuck.
my hands tremble.
you inspire me, i want to make you smile, always and forever.
you really got me, and you didnt do anything.
not even try.
Now I can't get to sleep and it's thoughts of you screaming in my head.
but I'm not worth it, I'm not good enough, for someone as amazing as you.
Lately, with the way the world is going, when I go out for a cigarette at night and I wear my music headphones, I get really paranoid that a zombie might sneak up on me and I will miss the natural stalking sounds of said zombie because I'm blasting my music and rocking out. I can't be one of the first ones to go, I am a natural born undead hunter.
Seriously, it's a legit fear I have and I get really creeped out, almost enough to stop listening to music while smoking... BUT NO WAY JOSE IT TASTEs LIKE FRUIT!
Sweet slumbering sickness,
Gathered to remember better times
Drank til the lines divide
Now colors drain from our eyes.
Said what we wish we held back
My muscles weren't responding right
To assumed call response, the synapse was lacked
But I always freeze around you.
The heat melted faster then the ice could sweat
Four nineteen and the sun starts to rise
We all go to sleep side by side
But we wake alone
My dreams were inches from me,
But I couldn't ask
I pretend I'm sleeping
As you think of leaving
Regret sure does leave a stinging
Feeling in my side
My heart never beats this fast
Yeah, you kill the butterflies
Yeah, the nightmares alright
I can feel you but no one can feel me?
Scream but no one's listening
Dream but shes not near me
I don't know your language
Are we wasting our breath?
As the morning sky drifts across your eyes
Well the pleasure, I guess, is all mine...
I don't wanna come home, stupid government, hum. I got a new long board today, its 5 feet long, when i took it into the skate shop to get it put together everyone was droolin over it, i love riding it, ive missed it, it's so smoooth, im gunna bomb so many hills when i get home. I met this cool kid named Jordan out here who is also into AA, we went up to the snow yesterday and it was awesome, I went to the beach and saw the snow in the same fucking day!! Only in california dudes. only in ca. its cool to have a friend out here cuz there aint much to do by yourself when you are broke! I hate money, but whatever its no big deal.
if you want something interesting to watch on the internets and you are bored, watch look up Dr Steve Brule on [adult swim] or youtube, itll change your life O_O
So I'm in cali, it's cold and was raining HARDCORE for like all of yesterday, now it's sunny and I plan on chillin' at the beach possible.. maybe swim if I'm feeling spunky. On the drive out here on the interstate 8 thru the mountains there was like 2 feet of snow and a blizzard going on, it was beautiful but scary.
but isn't that how it goes? Beauty is sometimes very scary.. or what lies beneath. and my dad only drives a Kia Spectra [a very small car] it was good times.
BUY ONE GET ONES ON MARLBORO SMOOTHs, YES!
bad news: I got my court date, about a year ago I got arrested with some drugs on me and got a F4 & a F6 felony and back in September I got put on the TASC drug diversion program but I was rocking the needle so I fucked it off [they wanted me to come in like every other day and spend 14$ for them to analyze my dirty piss; I didn't think I was going to survive the last round so I just didn't go] so I had my case sent back to the D.A. and people keep telling me I'm probably going to get 3 yrs probation.. I'm hoping they drug test me in court cuz by then [OH yeah my court date is Jan 15. my brother's birthday] I'll be for surely clean, I haven't used in 46 days, haven't drank in god knows how long, and only took one hit of reason last monday and now I'm going to stick out the sober thing cause it's kinda fun.
anywho I'm going to go eat french toast and bacon cause I'm hungry, why else you doofus!
off to cali, see you cats later.
something to occupy your time if you are bored, check out Santogold she's sick.
TONIGHT ON THIS SHIT.WHAT'S YOU DOING?
I moved back home! I lost my 3rd phone in 2 months. I'm going to californy for the rest of the year on wednesday. I'm making tracks like there is no tomorrow, and they fucking own.
I cannot count in my head and sing at the same time, it's hard.. try it.
even when im workin fuckers think im chillin
DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING GOING ON FOR NEW YEARS?? I don't drink or smoke anymore so if u know of anything that i'd be welcome to it'd be mucho appreciato! I don't wanna spend another one all bored and alone :'( *crys*
HOW'S YOUR MOOD?
HOW'S THAT SONG?
let's have a conversation... cause its important to get lost inorder to find something.
you just gonna keep hatin me, we gonna just be enemys!
the prettiest thing is new white wall tires, i shouda been a lawyer cause im sucha good liar!
so is andre nikki